sup kids long time no see... thought i would hop on an harass you all 8)
THE MAN CODE
1. Thou shall not rent the movie "Chocolat"
2. Under no circumstances may 2 men share an umbrella.
3. Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his fellow partygoers.
4. When you are queried by a buddy's wife, girlfriend, mother, father, priest, shrink, dentist, accountant, or dog walker, you need not and should not provide any useful information whatsoever as to his whereabouts. You are permitted to deny his very existence.
5. Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
6. You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50 percent without recrimination; beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed to call BULLSHIT. (Exception: When trying to pick up a girl, the allowable exaggeration rate rises to 400 percent)
7. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off-limits forever.
8. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another guy who's running late is 5 minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 babe scale.
9. Complaining about the brand of free beer in a buddies refrigerator is forbidden. You may gripe if the temperature is unsuitable.
10. No man is ever required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering a friends birthday is strictly optional and slightly gay.
11. Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a hot babe that your buddy is trying to hook up with is your legal duty. Should you get carried away with your good deed and end up having sex with the beast, your pal is forbidden to speak of it, even at your bachelor party.
12. Before dating a buddy's "ex", you are required to ask his permission and he in return is required to grant it.
13. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a buffalo wing clean.
14. If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem, you didn't see nothin'.
15. The universal compensation for buddies who help you move is beer.
16. A man must never own a cat or like his girlfriend's cat.
17. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sports event, you may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.
18. When your girlfriend/wife expresses a desire to fix her whiney friend up with your pal, you may give her the go-ahead only if you'll be able to warn your buddy and give him time to prepare excuses about joining the priesthood.
19. It is permissible to consume a fruity chick drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless supermodel... and it's free.
20. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
21. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
22. If a buddy is outnumbered, out manned, or too drunk to fight, you must jump into the fight. Exception: If within the last 24 hours his actions have caused you to think, "What this guy needs is a good ass-whoopin", then you may sit back and enjoy.
23. Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while weight lifting:
"Yeah, baby, push it!"
"C'mon, give me one more! Harder!"
"Another set and we can hit the showers."
"Nice ass, are you a Sagittarius?"
24. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both. That's just plain mean.
25. If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you better be referring to his beer.
26. Never join your girlfriend/wife in dissing a buddy, except when she's withholding sex pending your response.
27. Never talk to a man in the bathroom unless you're on equal footing: either both urinating or both waiting in line. In all other situations, a nod is all the conversation you need.
28. If a buddy is already singing along to a song in the car, you may not, unless you are gay.
ROFLMAO!!! That's funny more more more.
29. All men must give their girlfriend or wife full-body massages when requested.
30. Under no circumstances shall you expect or require sex daily.
31. Staying at home with children during the day IS a full-time job and requires much more dedication, skill and patience than your "desk job". So don't expect dinner to be served the moment you walk in the door.
32. 1-800-FLOWERS. Use it.
33. Despite what you think, you do NOT need ice cream nightly.
34. Opening doors for your feminine counter-part should be innate.
35. Chocolate does not solve all problems.
35 chocolate doesn't solve all problems??
and
30 shouldn't exspect sex daily. thats just mean lol
QuoteOriginally posted by Leiyah
29. All men must give their girlfriend or wife full-body massages when requested. To be reciprocated in kind immediately after, along with a "happy finish".
30. Under no circumstances shall you expect or require sex daily. Twice a Day shall be considered the norm.
31. Staying at home with children during the day IS a full-time job and requires much more dedication, skill and patience than your "desk job". So don't expect dinner to be served the moment you walk in the door. Dinner will be served after the "working" spouse has time to relax with a beer. Thirty minutes after entering the house is suffcient.
32. 1-800-FLOWERS. Use it. Much cheaper than Hookers and dancers.
33. Despite what you think, you do NOT need ice cream nightly. Nor do women need chocolate once a month.
34. Opening doors for your feminine counter-part should be innate. You never know when they might start shooting in there.. (old cowboy proverb)
35. Chocolate does not solve all problems. Only money does that
Damn Zax, you're my new Hero!
Rarely, when i type lol do i really laugh, but for #32 that struck me funny. LOL
/em calls mrs zax and tells her to read that post
/whistles innocently
Look back over it, I only see one item Mrs. Zax might have trouble with. As I don't have a regular 9-5 job, and I'm always thankfull she feeds me and the boys, no matter what or when it is, it doesn't apply here at the Casa de Gnome.
But the rest she has heard me say at some point in the past, and she is long past ignoring it.
Zax, in what world do women NOT need chocolate once a month????
most my women dont need it lol they dont like it much =p.
Quotemost my women
Quotethe girls
oh shit, I'm just going to sit down and keep my halo nice and shiney above my head
o Lei you kno you wanan get down and dirty with us just admit it. o wait um i didn't say it.
Young grasshopper, boy have you a lot to learn
lol rad get a clue I just want to bitch slap you till next tuesday for your disrespect I think at that time leiy will take over with a wet fish of some sort then karlah will take a week of smacking you upside your head...I really expect the line behind karlah will include the female half of the guild so don't get overly excited disrespect doesn't turn women on or make us flirty
Boy! I say Boy! Don't let them put you off the scent son. Why, You've got those Ladies all up in a lather. Those Ladies want you, son. Want you like a three day supply of chocolates. You're an inspiration to us all, son. Now get after them Ladies and show them what a real gentleman looks like!
Oh my GODS Zax! That had me rolling on the floor! LMAO! :p
Priceless! Simply priceless!
Look what you started Ryver! lol
what is all this? lol...
36. The most important thing to learn is how to love, and be loved in return.
It should all be mutual. Alone, to just stay devoted, always being there and being happy to sharing eachother eternally should be enough to express your love =p. It's a gift in itself....
Maybe I am a bit off course. Blame my rediculous obsession with love lol. It just occured to me that even though you are joking, I wouldn't expect my love to do anything, and I would do anything to maker her happy....because it would make me happy, just to see that illuminating indescribable smile of appreciation and tenderness.
HOLY CRAP!!! that's how i feel Cell i joke around alot but that's for fun i will do anything for teh person/persons i love.
The only thing keeping the nausea at bay, is the delightfull knowledge of the brickwall known as reality that you will someday run into.
There are several approaches to getting into the woman of your choice's pants, and lets be honest, if you pee standing up, this is what it all boils down to.
You can try the sensitive, caring, "I'm not like the other guys" angle. So long as its just an angle, you're ok. Once you start believing in that;
-You lose respect of the other guys, and as much as you think you don't need them anymore, trust me, you will. (Chicks don't move couches for you, even if they are big enough to lift them alone.)
-While the Ladies may fill you up with "oh, he's so sweet" and "I wish my boyfriend was more like you" etc. Here's a news flash, they are blowing smoke up yer muffler.
-You are going to get dropped like Richard Hatch's pants the first time she runs across a guy that presents a "challenge" to her ability to attract him.
This might seem like I'm putting you down, and well, I am. But even still, this is the cold hard truth. But of course you can test it yourself.
Zax speaks the truth, be a man, not a sensitive cave in to their every whim wuss, they respect you more when youre a bit of a jerk.
Girls can pee standing up!
I don't even want to know :eek:
Come'on Max -- I *know* you have women living in your house.
Cell, You got that from Moulin Rouge!!!
I didn't think that guys watched that ;)
Also, sensitive is good, but lets face it, the women who dont want a REAL man are...ummm....not LOOKING for a real man, lets just put it that way
*wink wink*
Mel Gibson is the perfect level of sensitive....he adores his wife, has 7 kids, and seems like he can beat the CRAP out of any other guy (check out Lethal Weapon!!!! purRRRrrrrRRRRrrr!!!!)
If you haven't watched it yet, go rent Bedazzled (Elizabeth Hurley and Brendan Fraser) theres a "sensitive guy" segment in there that pretty much nails it
:D
women want a man
who can beat em silly but chooses not to.
who could dominate but stays your partner
who other women want but stay's faithful
who loves you sensless but isn't a doormat
and radx your about as sensitive as a brick
ROFL I know EXACTLY which one you mean Lai lol My wife and I joke about that one all the time Hehehehe
lol Zax thats funny it really is, but I disagree.......maybe you have had to much a dose of reality. One can be many things all together. Assuming a guy is with a girl, you can be tender, devote, thoughtful and even afraid....as well as dominant, virile, tenacious and so on. All according to how you use what qualities and where, is what makes you distinct from others, alot of people apply certain characteristics in the wrong situations. And there is never anything wrong with to much sensitivity as long as it is sane and reasonable. It doesn't make you less masculine, infact in my opinion..it makes me feel more complete. Everyone has different levels of sensitivity on different things. In my case I am really sensitive about love. And that doesn't mean I cry everyday that I don't have a girlfriend. I have avoided many one night stands, I completely despise the fact of giving your body without firstly giving your heart, mind and soul....and when you give those three things, only then will your love be complete when you bond physically. I'll tell you straight out that I am a virgin and still proud to be one. All my friends respect me for my sensualness of love and the morals that accompany my style of living and most of them are not like me, they see strength in me because of it....not weakness. You have any idea how hard it is? what I put myself through? As a man it's more difficult to be a virgin. But I am entirely confident of my status and the reasons for being and staying this way for as long as necessary, Infact I could announce to the whole damn University that I am a virgin and not give a damn. So yes, I know " I am not like other men" and I have many more damn good reasons to accompany that resolution. So fuck the walls of reality, those that are limited by it will be trapped and I sympathize for those people. For the imagination of the mind is uncomparably more important and enticing than anything that reality can provide. Look around you, almost nothing that you see now days that isn't natural is because of the fact that reality has limited the mind and its imagination. Reality will not grasp me, although it does to most because alot of people can't see beyond what is infront of them or what is even really infront of them for that matter. That is only natural. And that is what makes me distinct....because I am unnatural, because I am more sensative, because I use my imagination. What I see in my future, is worth all the pain of a million lives....that is why I suffer for what I want because of who I am.( A quote " To live is to suffer and to survive is to find the meaning in the suffering). So no, not everything is all peaches and cream, but I see beyond that.....beyond the wall of reality......towards the meaning of all that I suffer for.
And no you didn't put me down. This is my truth. And I think I have learned enough from other peoples tests I'm afriad.
Sorry about the length, this is what do you call it?
A...... "sensitive subject" for me, lol.
I am not saying I am better then anyone, I am not saying what I do is right and what any of you do is wrong. This is just what I believe.
/salute Cellburn.
I respect that.
Leiyah - Girls can pee standing up!
The question is can you write your name in the snow?
Only if the girl is very fast and relatively flexible ;)
LOL.
Cell you scare me. :eek:
lol, hey...I even scare myself sometimes =p.
WOW where to start.
Let's see...
peeing in the snow. Well, I've not yet tried because I generally go 5000 times out of my way to avoid snow.
Moulin Rouge....mmm...Ewan Mcgregor...mmm I watch that movie 2-3 times per week.
Cellburn, I'm afraid, Zax is closer to the truth than you are realizing
And I'm gonna have to agree with Fizz there 150%
I would like to nominate this thread as one of the most off topic threads ever.
Oh I realize it perfectly, that is stereotyping society, because all of that could be mostly true to some people, but not everyone is like that or will react to it in the same manner, and that is my point. You all must think, I am one big bundle of sensitivity lol...and have nothing else to attract women or to make them want me or stay with me. You are quite wrong if you think so. It's quite the other way around, alot of women that I have met or been around do not share at least some of my more important qualities or beliefs and therefore a relationship with them would be meaningless, to only end up in disaster. But there of course could be the exception that If a women that I care for and want to be with wants to change her certain ways to be with me because she comes to believe it is better on her own, I can deal with that....but that is harder to trust and work out.
And I am not saying Zax is wrong as I said before, of course one cannot be all sensitivity, that is dangerous and can get you no where. Just that some of those things I disagree with, a woman who is indepedently minded and loves her man will help out or at least try to help with anything and not make him do everything himself if she can, no matter what it is...to at least help their or even his cause. And vice versa. Not all men will lose respect for you if you start believing that " you are not like other men ", because I am sure most men would have to agree if you were a certain way that would contridict their way of living. And not all women that say that, are " blowing smoke up your muffler ". And who says because of who I am I will not "challenge" her ability in any way. You do not know me lol. And I agree with fizzgig fully as well.
QuoteIf a women that I care for and want to be with wants to change her certain ways to be with me
That is something which will end in disaster in monumental portions. Not just an accident waiting to happen - more like '... happened and waiting for effects'
you forgot to add the part where, "because she comes to believe it is better on her own".....I think you got the wrong impression. For example, I am saying as if that girl doesn't like relationships, because she loves going out and messing around with men and having no attachment. But lets say I care for this girl tremendously and I want to be with her, If she realizes that what she is doing gets no where and that she can have something greater and that she wants to be in a relationship with me because she feels the same way, hypothetically speaking. That might be something I can do, it all depends of course. I am not saying she has to change who she is, I would never want anyone to do that. But alot of people do things that don't truly reflect who they are, the mind can say one thing, and the heart can say another. And when both the heart and mind become intertwined, because that realization becomes clearer...then that hypothetical statement could be valid. But change is hard, and even harder to believe and trust that one has changed a certain aspect for the other, And not only should this change benefit the other but to benefit the one changing. I wouldn't want a person to sacrifice their ways to satisfy only the other person. Please stop misunderstanding me people, damnit!
I mean wth, it's like you guys are trying to choose pessimism over optimism toward some of my statements. If you don't understand something clearly, or what I am really trying to say, ask...don't assume. You guys trying to find some kind of flaw in what I say to make me seem not what my beliefs claim that I am so that it appears to be a fallacy?
Cellburn,
I don't think that the people who are replying to your posts are trying to be difficult, find flaw in what you say or 'poo-hoo' your beliefs.
And yes, it may be pessimism, but what you have to understand is that most of these folks are either married or have been married (some for a considerable amount of time). They are living/have lived in relationships, they understand the need for compromise, they understand the ups & downs involved when 2 personalities cohabitate, they have seen the results on a relationship when one person changes to please another, they have lived the reality.
All I think they are trying to do is let you know that, although it is great that you have this ideal, that it does not always work in real life.
*sigh*
with you on that one leiy
I know, but it is just that they arn't understanding me and they say things that don't apply to me or my statement, I know that things will not always work out or continue to work out for alot of people or the majority of relationships that people have, and as I said I don't want someone to change only to please the other. Some changes are good, for both ends, others not...and I understand that completely. I was just trying to point out that possibilities through change ( that is not forced ) can be very enticing, especially for the one doing the change, if in truth it makes them feel better about themself. That is all....
Fizz, that is not the whole quote, she missed the key part. This isn't just pointed at women, just it my case. It applies to guys of course. If you disagree tell me straight up, I believe that for any relationship to work, there has to be some change, there is sacrifices in some ways....little or big, and not just in one particular way. Most of the time that change is for the better, for the one changing as well. It is mutual. Those elements are also key characteristics to a successful relationship. A relationship is change, is sacrificial in many or some ways pending on the relationship, and can be positively reinforced which only makes the love stronger, more meaningful and complete.
I am also not saying that to be in a relationship that the person has to change to your customs, of course not! Infact you want to be in a relationship with that person because you admire her own personality, individualism, intellect, and beliefs and so on.
Cell I think a big part of the prob here is that you seem to be making a fun light joke thread into a lecture on responsible relationship practices. It was a joke hun. Do you really think that Ryver gets away with half of what he posts here as jokes at home??? No way buster!!! But it's funny!
Laugh, be jolly and enjoy life. If you want to debate relationship issues thats awesome, and there would be amazing insights from the people in KoF! But do it in a serious thread, not a joke thread. It makes those of us joking feel as if youre impugning us. We value your opinion. Just value our senses of humor ;)
P.S. WOOT 50 posts!
I know he was just joking, and I was joking around as well. But then Zax said somethings toward what I said. So I gave my opinion, and then people started to misunderstand me and thats what brough us to this point. It wasn't my intention. It didn't start from Ryverwind, and go to the top of the section 3, read what I said, I just stated a simple fact on what "I" would do aside from the joking...I didn't start anything.
Oh my i cant believe this is at 51 posts... well wth im going for the record time to fuel the fire...
Lets leave all the sensitive crap to the chicks...
K all you sensitive people into the kichen where you belong... if your done in there head to the bedroom >8)........GRRRR never mind about the bedroom stuff... we have sensitive guys around here, need to do some additional screening... /sigh
I'll be in the bedroom hunny, you take the kitchen :D
Come and get me when the dishes are done ;)
WOO HOO, GO GIRL!!
-- old joke cant remember it properly, goes along the lines of...
A couple just recently married were setting up house.
The husband decides to lay down the rules.
He tells his wife,
"I will be home from work when I get home.
Dinner will be on the table when I get home, unless I have called to say I wont be home.
I will go drinking & fishing with the boys when I want you will not complain.
Any questions?"
The wife answers,
"No that's fine, but just to let you know there will be sex here at 7pm each night, whether you are home or not."
LOL
i love agressinve and dominant women! GrrrRRrrrrRRrrr... lol
Karlah....that is beautiful!
QuoteOriginally posted by Zaxboan
(Chicks don't move couches for you, even if they are big enough to lift them alone.)
[/B]
BAH!
Here is my piece of advice for yas out there.
Never go into a relationship thinking you will change the other person so that they will be your ideal man or woman, that is a sure fire recipe for disaster. :(
I along with many of you have been or still are married(15yrs and 2kids here). Marriage takes some adjusting to for both parties, my wife and myself had ups and downs the first couple of years, but through time and many discussions/arguements, we have come to that time of compromise and things are good for us. I still annoy her and she me at times, but who doesn't. Anywho, you are headed in the right direction Cell, you will learn as we all do or have done.
I realize that and understand it completely, I agree with you of course. Change is not and should not be expected, but often times change happens in order for relationships to work ( on both sides ), therefore creating balance and symmetry on the grounds of love where both are the benificiaries, only to strengthen those grounds in effect. I am talking about the good changes, not the bad ones =p.
Geeze its called Hygiene i would highly recommend everyone date someone that changes on a regular basis... And yes i think they should change for you, like into something sexy at times... and dont even think of marrying someone that dosent change... thats disgusting.
Dont misunderstand im not claiming to be the king of Hygiene but I do change on a simi regular basis.
And frostta, i dont know about you... but changing the other person sounds fun to me >8-), but im sure when they are done changing you there will need to be some adjusting... i can get on board there... stuff need to hang a certain way, and i never seem to get that underwire in the right place... oh well keep practicing.
Please do keep practicing Ryver...
I still have underwire scars :(
Underwire, dont get me started on underwire!!!
Why do women have to wear contraptions that push up body parts for men.
Why havent they invented underwire jock straps, to enhance male 'characteristics' for the female pleasure.
I reckon a couple of peices of wire poking in the sensitive male glands would put the world in balance.:p
Now Karlah, you already know the answer to that. Our parts stand up on their own, no need for wire to push it up.
Even more convienent for you, I have a two part solution for your concerns. I'm guessing X would be happy to lend a hand at "supporting you" whenever you need a break from the nasty underwire, and at the same time, that might provide the means for enhancing the "male 'characteristics' for the female pleasure".
Zax I think your right on here, this is a perfect solution. I personally know that I wouldnt mind making that kind of sacrifice to spare my wife from those underwires. Unfortunatly not many men are as sensitive and willing ot help as we are, maybe if more men were willing to give their wives a 'hand up' this world would be a better place.
Karlah, Think about it this way... if women didnt like all the attention they got from wearing those 'contraptions' they would invent something else...
Now if wearing some funky contraption would gain a guy the same type of attention you gals get we'd be wearing the funkiest damm things you ever saw... but all we'd get is another chick rolling their eyes at us... so back to football.
LOL, this is true.
haha Karlah you crack me up. World in balance...haha!
*hugs the guild*
/hugs the drunk druid... come back soon :D
Whats up with that leiyah
I don't have anything to say, I just wanted to get post # 70 :D
Does that mean Ryver got #69 :p
None of your beez-wax, Karlah :p
Geez, nosy nosy! lol!