Had this sent to me via email and couldnt stop laughing.
How to shower like a woman:
Get in shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumic stone. Wash hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
Wash hair again to make sure it is clean. Condition hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with natural avocado oil, leave on hair for 15 minutes. Wash face with crushed apricot facial, scrub for 10 minutes until red. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake bodywash.
Shave armpits and legs. Turn off shower. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower, spray mould spots with Tilex. Get out off shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel. Check entire body for spots, tweeze hairs. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If you see husband along the way, cover any exposed areas.
How To Shower Like A Man:
Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed. Leave in a pile. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake knob at her making woo-hoo >sound. Look at manly physique in the mirror. Admire size of your knob and scratch your ass. Get in the shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off. Make farting noises, (real or not) and laugh at how loud they are in
the shower. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area. Wash your butt leaving those coarse hairs
stuck on the soap. Shampoo hair. Make shampoo Mohawk. Pee. Rinse off and get out of shower. Partially dry-off. Fail to notice water on floor. Admire knob size in mirror again. Leave shower door open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on. Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake knob at her and make woo-hoo noise again. Throw wet towel on bed.
that's pretty funny X :D
males= pinnacle of efficiency
Hrm I'm not seeing any thing wrong in the showering like a woman part.... :)
I just want the original writer to remove the camera from our bathroom pls.
LOL i dont truly agree with males i agree with maybe half but whatever.
What part don't you agree with Radx. Just curious :p
most of it scratchkin fartin u choose.
Don't worry Radx, you still have a couple years to grow into it. Someday you will be farting and scratching your ass in the shower, and you'll realize "Hey, now I'm a REAL man!"
/nods at Soulstar's rebuttle
i will put money on it i wont. and ya know what a REAL man doesnt need to do that. LOL:D
Real men don't need to fart?????
WHATS YOUR SECRET?????
And why don't they explode? :confused:
My wife read that post and was almost in tears laughing so hard. She printed it out to share with the ladies at lunch that day.
She claims she's not as bad as the female version (she's not) and that the male version is pretty much dead on for her husband. I have to argue, as I never turn the vent fan on.
Radx, you are right, some "men" don't act like that, and in the anatomical sense you would be correct. They are indeed "real men". However, those would be the same guys that collect Show-tunes CD's and drink wine spritzers. Not that there's anything wrong with that...
Our household tries to keep the genders un-bent, and it seems to work for us. My wife's not real big on the body noises at the dinner table, but she at least has us saying "excuse me" now.
LMAO Zax :D
butt hairs are why women use different puff's then men :)
What is a puff, and why would a man use one?
it's like a sponge made from netting :)
They come in all varities - the most basic of which is below.
I thought everyone used a puff in the shower?
Oh yeah, we had one of those in the shower. Actually we still might. So you say my wife might use that thing, eh?
LOL for some reason the picture of the "puffs" ( loofahs, as you have to call them here[you dont call anything a puff or poof or anything even sounding like that in L.A., you'll get labeled as a homophobe if you do LOL]) just made me giggle!
And Zax, yes, she just might be using it hehehehe!
And X, the rundown forgot to mention the in-shower hair combing while the conditioner is in to distribute conditioner evenly from follicle to ends.....
I keep a comb in my shower too! I bite my nails, so they are too short to scratch my ass effectively while my hands are wet.
LMAO Souls....
You know the scary thing is, a number of our fellow male guildies will read that and go "ooo what a good idea, why hadn't I thought of that"
LMAO LOL!
My puffy is really cute actually he winks at me! I should take a pic and show yas!
and Laiy
QuoteAnd X, the rundown forgot to mention the in-shower hair combing while the conditioner is in to distribute conditioner evenly from follicle to ends.....
WOOHOO I'm not the only one to do that!
WTF. real men dont use conditioner!! they fart instead.
Shampoo ,Conditioner What are these thing a Aussie male only uses Sunlite soap one thing to do all jobs (shampoo/conditioner)
I am a proud Feral hear me FART:p
no farts are impressive until you manage to make bubbles in the shower
No, farts only become TRUELY impressive when you can make bubbles without ANY water! Altho maybe that is a signal to change your underwear?
I'm torn Yamp.....between puking at the thought of what you just said....or cheering because I see that your sig reflects you having ding'd 60!!! hehe.
shampoo's + conditioners are hoaxes: shampoo is a lifter, conditioner is a depositer, how can you do both at the same time?
(Glad to know my 6 grand for cosmetology school is worth something :rolleyes: )
Farts dont have to bubble to be impressive. My hubby went to a Chili Cookoff for work one night and came home and went to sleep. He farted SO MUCH that night that I had to change the sheets the next day, they wouldn't let go of the wonderful chili-gas aroma!
Now THATS impressive hehehehehe
.....lol.....
WOW Laiy that was gross hahahaha.
/wave to everyone. :D