Stranded (joke)

Airelyn · August 10, 2002, 07:22:50 PM

One day this guy, who has been stranded on a desert island all alone for ten years, sees an unusual speck on the horizon. "It's certainly not a ship" he thinks to himself. As the speck gets closer and closer, he begins to rule out the possibilities of a small boat, then even a raft.

Suddenly, emerging from the surf comes this drop dead gorgeous blonde woman wearing a wet suit and scuba gear. She approaches the stunned guy and says to him, "Tell me, how long has it been since you've had a cigarette?" "Ten years" replies the stunned man. With that, she reaches over and unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes. He takes one, lights it and takes a long drag and says "Man oh man! Is that ever good!"

"And how long has it been since you've had a sip of bourbon?" she asks him. Trembling, the castaway replies: "Ten years!" She reaches over, unzips her waterproof pocket on her right sleeve pulls out a flask and hands it to him. He opens the flask, takes a long swig and says, "Wow, that's absolutely fantastic!" At this point, she starts slowly unzipping the long zipper that runs down the front of her wet suit, looks at him seductively and
asks, "And how long has it been since you've played around?"

With tears in his eyes the guy falls to his knees and says, "Oh sweet Jesus! Don't tell me you've got golf clubs in there too!"

Zaxboan · August 11, 2002, 01:08:42 AM

Omg that is too funny. I am a bit of a golf nut myself, but ummmm, even my wife knows my priorities are slightly different.

Fizzgig · August 11, 2002, 02:07:33 AM

LOL it's such a man thing too.......unless he was just really kinky :p

Kaneril Knightwing · August 11, 2002, 02:49:51 AM

Hehehehyeah Zax :) I hear you have it down to a couple strokes lol

Zaxboan · August 11, 2002, 04:38:17 AM

Fewest strokes wins right?
I guess it all depends on who's scoring... gah, what terrible puns.

I should be ashamed.

Airelyn · August 11, 2002, 05:12:16 AM

eww i feel dirty... must get clean!

Kaneril Knightwing · August 11, 2002, 06:02:19 AM

Heheheh It hasnt even BEGUN to get dirty Aire :) It only truely goes down-hill when the jokes about the "front 9" and the "back 9" start up :eek: :rolleyes: :o

Fizzgig · August 13, 2002, 06:06:01 AM

LOL one coment from the halfling drags the whole guild down

Tonzafun IndyJok · August 13, 2002, 02:11:26 PM

Ok this joke is for adults only!

There is this guy sitting in the clubhouse of his country club. He is pretty beat up, bloody nose, fat lip, scraps, he is just a mess.
His buddies come in from there round of golf, see him there, and ask him what the hell happened to you.
His reply was that he had a golfing accident. Well they all had to hear about this and grabbed a few beers and pull up chairs to hear how he got so beat up playing golf.
So he tells them, well you know hole 11 with the bad dogleg left? I hit my ball way right into the cow pasture on that hole. My game was sucking so I decided to jump the fence and look for my ball. Well there just happen to be this Beautiful woman in the field looking for her ball as well. So being the gentleman I was helping her look for hers while looking for mine.
We looked everywhere there was to look in this field and we couldn't find any balls at all. In fact the only place we didn't look was up this cow's rear end, so for giggles I lifted up the cow's tail and I'll be damned if there wasn't a ball stuck in this cows rear. I could even read the name on the ball and knew it wasn't mine so I asked the women, "Hey lady! does this look like yours?"