Keepers of Fortitude - Saryrn / Bertoxxulous

So WoW comes out Tuesday.  I'll be playing on Tuesday, who else?  I was in the open beta and I must say that it is an excellent game.  I have not decided whether I want to play on a PvP or non-PvP server yet, but I am sure I'm going to make a Troll rogue (regardless of your server, horde and alliance characters cannot communicate or otherwise associate with each other)

Anyways, post here if you're gonna play.

I knew I shoulda gotten my name copyrighted.

wtf

I am in love.  This is a message I just received from my dear Angelrain.

Message from Angelrain

After Loh's silly 8-page thread of nonsense I decided to browse my screenshot library... I stumbled across this eerily similar picture...

Loh will pay 20k to the person who can correctly identify all my visible items (head, chest, arms, wrist, hands, legs, feet, and primary), as well as the location of the picture and the purpose we were there!  Well... maybe not.  But you can rest assured that my ass isn't gonna pay you anything.

This was in October of 2002 BTW.

Here's a picture of me and my daddy!

poor guy.  Be sure to check out the remix.  Dialup, beware.

Star wars

HAVE YOU EVER MET SOMEONE LIKE THIS? A DAY IN THE LIFE OF A NECRO !!!!!

So there I was.....minding my own business in The Overthere, when all of a
sudden I see the message: "d00d sow
plz".

Of course, my natural instinct was not to answer, since I thought the
clueless newb (hereafter referred to politely as
"the petitioner") must have been poorly informed at best.

Boy was I ever wrong.

I switch out of 1st person into an external camera, and what did my wandering
eyes behold? Only myself and the
petitioner.

So I says to myself...."Self? You need to edumacate this fella!"

(Keep in mind what the overall setting looked like: There I was, in skeleton
form, carrying a scythe, FLOATING IN
MIDAIR IN A MEDITATING POSITION, with a LARGE dark-brown skeleton named
"Gibober" standing behind me.
Ummm....No, skippy, I'm not a druid or a shaman.)

I say "Wish I could, bro, but I don't have SoW. I'm a Necromancer."

The Petitioner says, "$#*&@#$ dick, sow me already! it's for a cr"

Feeling as if my feathers had been ruffled a bit, I do a "/who all dumbass"
(um..pardon..I meant "/who all petitioner")

This is where I discovered the "/who all" bug. Certainly it must have been a
bug, right? There's NO WAY IN CREATION
the dumbas...err...petitioner could have been a level 31 Dark Elf Wizard,
right???? RIGHT????? /em begins to cry like a
little girl.

Well, needless to say, I couldn't have been any more shocked than if my pet
began dancing an Irish Jig. I quickly
begin the arduous task of maintaining my composure, while deciding how best
to deal with this tricky situation.

I say, "Necromancer's can't cast SoW".

Petitioner says, "Bull@#$%! you cast a spell while you were running and you
sped up! i couldn't catch you until you
sat down! if you're not going to sow me just say so you dont have to be a
dick about it a$$hole"

Yes I know....he didn't use any punctuation in that last sentence.

I say, "I have JBoots."

He says, "what are they"

Before I have a chance to pick my chin up off the floor....

Petitioner asks, "can you buff my hps my hp sux"

I say, "I can't buff you, dude. I'm a necromancer. I only have one buff that
you would probably want."

He says, "yeah the one you won't give me dick"

Ok. Time to have fun with the hopelessly clueless.

I say, "Why do you need a sow?"

He says, "i need to get to burned woods to hunt. sumbody said its perfect for
my level"

Yep. That's what he said......"burned woods".

I say, "man are you ever in the wrong place."

He says, "?"

Apparently he found the "question mark" key conveniently located nearby other
various and sundry communication
facilitators.

I didn't answer him.

He repeats, "??"

Found it twice...good for him.

He repeats, "???"

Having an IQ greater than plantlife, I sensed a pattern forming.

I say, "You are NO WHERE near Burned Woods."

He says, "my friend told me it was in kunark"

I say, "Yeah, the operative word there is 'WAS'. There was a major patch a
couple of months ago after a bunch of
complaints were filed about 'static content'."

He says, "?"

I say, "!"

He says, "?"

I say, ","

He says, "wtf"

I say, "no, already have some."

He says, "????"

I don't respond.

He says, "so where the @#$% is burned woods"

He lost the question mark button again. Probably popped off when he was
sniffing his feet.

I say, "Well, THIS week it's south of Freeport. It changes with every patch,
since they began randomizing zone
locations."

My guild is hysterical at this point. And I haven't even told them the ENTIRE
story yet. Just snippets.

He says, "@#$% i just got off the boat"

I say, "You don't need the boat."

He says "why"

I say, "You're a wizard!"

He says, "how you know that"

I say, "I did a /wh...nevermind....the important thing is you have
teleportation spells."

He says, "oh yeah the green ones"

I nod.

I say, "Yep. The 'green ones'. Pretty nice how you have them grouped by
color."

He says, "thx"

I say, "How'd you think about doing it that way?"

He says, "they were all @#$%## up when i got this char"

I say, "Sit down and mem the spell 'Fay Gate'."

He says, "why"

Question mark key is on the ground in front of your chair, guy. Mixed in with
your collection of boogers.

I say, "It's going to put you within spitting distance of Burned Woods."

He says, "how do you know"

I say, "All patch messages come with a zone connection map."

He says, "oh"

I say, "Ok. You have it memmed now?"

He had just stood up after what I assumed was meditating/looking at his spell
book.

He says, "yeah"

I say, "Ok. Cast the spell and let me know when you get there."

Dumba...errr....Petitioner begins to cast a spell.

A LONG time goes by.....ok, maybe 5 minutes
I still haven't heard from him.

Getting curious:

I tell petitioner, "Are you there yet?"

No reply. No reply at all. [Yes, I'm a Genesis fan... ]

Obviously he's there, or my tell wouldn't have gone through.

I tell petitioner, "Hit the 'r' key to reply to me."

He replies, "i'm here now where do i go."

Right idea....wrong punctuation mark. Oh well. "C" for effort.

I tell petitioner, "Ok, do you see a hotkey on the screen that says 'Sense
Heading'?"

He replies, "no"

I reply, "Hit the arrow buttons one by one until you see one."

It was a guess, but an educated one.

He replies, "found it"

I reply, "Click on it."

He replies, "north"

I reply, "Ok, you need to head east along the path. Keep going until the path
turns north. When it forks to the right,
take the right fork."

He replies, "ok"

Who knows, maybe the guy who sold his account on Ebay worked his Felwithe
faction up.

He replies, "sumbody told me i shouldnt be here cause i'm a dark elf"

I reply, "They were roleplaying."

He replies, "oh hehe @#$%@#$ morons ;P"

Priceless. Utterly priceless, I tell you.

I reply, "Where are you?"

He replies, "i see something now. looks like a castle"

I reply, "Run into the castle as fast as you can. The guards might give you
some trouble, just keep running."

Yeah...damned conscience started kicking in.

A fairly long period of time passes. Not sure how long, but longer than I was
expecting.

I tell petitioner, "What happened?"

As if I didn't know....

He replies, "my spells are gone!"

I reply, "What happened?"

He replies, "i died why"

I reply, "Oh man! Did I tell you to run east or west?"

He replies, "east wtf???"

I reply, "Yikes. My bad. You should have run west."

He replies, "?"

I reply, "So where are you now?"

He replies, "how can i tell"

I reply, "Look right after you see 'Loading please wait'. It should tell you
'You have entered [zone]'."

He replies "it doesnt say [zone] there."

After smacking my head against my monitor....

I reply, "What does it say in place of [zone]?".

Get this....

He replies, "Burning Woods"

I nearly fell out of my chair! I couldn't have PLANNED it that way!

He replies, "is that the same as burned woods"

I reply, "No, but you're close. Start running south so you can get your
corpse back."

He replies, "i have to get my corpse back?????"

/ignore petitioner


Moral of the story: EBay...Just Say No!

Out of sheer curiosity, I took him off ignore later to find out what
happened.

I tell petitioner, "How's it going?"

He replies, "wtf? where you been"

I reply, "been afk, sorry."

He replies, "got my corpse back. some dude rezzed me."

My conscience somewhat eased...

I reply, "Really? Cool! Where are you now?"

He replies, "iceclad ocean"

I scratch my head a few times.

I reply, "Why Velious?"

He replies, "the guy that rezzed me told me burned woods was in western
wastes this week"

I don't recall exactly how long it took me to stop laughing. I stopped
breathing shortly before my dog dialed 911.

He replied, "@#$%&* wouldnt sow me either. what is that sh#$ gold?"

That's what finally killed me. I'm writing this from the afterlife.



This is the follow up story from the cleric who rezzed him near Felwithe. Friend of mine digged it up, probably on the same necro side. "

quote
Here comes some idiot Dark Elf running past me, running straight down
the road that is going to lead him to Felwithe. I scratch my head, and
being the nosey sort of Dwarf that I am...I send him a tell.

I tell the DE, "Wait"

DE tells me, "?"

I sigh into my ale as I take another longt draught off of it before
running up to him and saying, "Ye really don't wanna go messin around
over there with them High Elves' They look like pansies, but they aint."

The DE stands there with a vacant look on his face for a few minutes
before just running away. Do a /who on the DE and find out he's 31st
level. Ok, so maybe he knows what he's doing. I've seen Ogres in North
Freeport, after all. I go back to drinking my ale.

Out of curiosity, I send him another tell a few minutes later.

I tell the DE, "Not gettin' into any trouble over there are ye?"

DE tells me, "STFU !@#$% roleplayer"

I sigh into my ale again, finishing it off. Ah, tis the season of the
twit. I stand up and head towards Felwithe to resupply my ale.

Just as I get to the gates of the ugliest city on Norrath, what do I
find but a dead dark elf and a pair of guards snickering and cleaning
their weapons. Now this is priceless.

I do a /who on the poor soul and see he is in Burning Woods. Being the
sucker that I am, I feel compelled to rez the twit...after all, I am a
!@#$% roleplayer and I roleplay a !@#$% cleric...albeit a !@#$% grumpy
one.

I sit down to mem Reviviscene and while I am waiting for it to refresh I
send the DE a tell.

I tell the DE, "Would ye like a rez?"

DE tells me, "no i want a !@#$% sow dumbas i have to run south to get my
corpse back so dont be a dick and just sow me plz"

I look around for an ale but unfortunatly Brell hates me at this moment
in time, so I simply reply. "If I rez ya, ye wont need to run south to
yer body. You will appear at yer body. I am not standing near you, I am
standing near yer corpse."

DE tells me, "d00d rez plz"

As I sigh I look at my Holy Symbol of Brell and sigh "I'm gonna get a
stout named after me right?" and I tell the DE "Consent me so I can rez
ya" but I get no reply. No reply at all. So I say it again "Consent me
so I can rez ya"

DE tells me, "ok you can rez me"

I sit down again at this point. I have no ale and this is gonna take
awhile. I tell the DE, "Type /consent and my name" Being a smart dwarf I
tell the DE, "/consent Cleric_01" and say again "Just like that" before
he can make my head hurt more.

Sure enough, I recieve consent to drag his corpse. So I stand up and get
ready to drag the corpse when suddenly I am denied permission to drag
his corpse. I begin to think like him and I think "WTF?" So I tell the
DE, "No...just type it once. One more time. That's it. Dont type it
again" thinking that as soon as I get this over with, I can go buy more
ale and my head will stop hurting.

I recieve consent and I quickly drag it towards the zone since this is
the direction the guy was going anyway. I get the body by the zone and
cast Rez on it, comforted by the fact that I am one heal away from being
done with this guy.

The naked DE appears in front of me and I stand up to cast my final
spell of this exchange when he says to me "your that !@#%% roleplayer"
and then a moment later, almost as an afterthought "thx"

Compelled at this point, I ask "Why were you running into Felwithe when
you are KoS?"

DE says, "I was going to burned woods"

I say, "Burning Woods?"

DE says, "no dumbass i go there when i die i want to hunt burned woods"

I say, "Who told you to go hunting in Burned Woods, inside Felwithe?"

DE says, "some dick who wouldnt sow me" and then "will you sow me plz,
its for a CR"

I stand there drooling on myself for a moment, trying to catch up. I
havent had an ale in a good 20 minutes at this point, so I am starting
to see spots.

DE says, "dont be a dick just sow me before they move the zone again"

I stare at the lad and ask "Move Burned Woods? Again?"

DE says, "yea"

I finally snap and say, "They aren't going to move it again. Once they
moved it to Western Wastes, with all the snow, it stopped burning."

DE says, "i saw a burning tree"

I say, "Exactly my point. Now if they would only move Burning Woods
there it would stop too and people wouldn't go there when they die."

DE says, "can you sow me, its for CR"

I say, "sow doesnt work in IC until you get past EW and then it will
work for CR's only until you get to WW, then ask the first person you
see for sow there." I add as an afterthought "Sometimes they look like
flying blue things but they can sow"

DE says, "wtf???"

I say, "Allow me to use smaller words. You do not need a sow yet. Do
what I say and you'll get there right away." and then "Sit down and mem
the spell Bind Affinity"

DE is silent for a bit and finally says "its red" as he is standing up

I say, "I am glad they covered Colors this week. Now target yourself and
cast this spell. " He just stands there for a minute, so I add "it will
r0ck" and he begins to cast the spell, binding himself behind the guards
at Felwithe. I feel somewhat better already, maybe I dont need ale.

DE says, "it said bound" and begins to giggle

I say, "Now sit down and mem the spell Iceclad Gate. This will r0ck even
more."

DE says, "this one is green"

I say, "You're damn good at those colors man"

DE says, "thx"

When the DE stands up I say "This is going to take you to Iceclad Ocean.
It's an ocean so that's why they moved Burned Woods there....to put it
out."

DE says, "what about sow"

I say, "Remember that sow wont work until you are on a CR in WW. In fact
you actually run faster in snow if you set the RUN button to WALK. Do
that now."

DE says, "ok"

I say, "Now cast Iceclad Gate....the Green one. Remember to run straight
out of where you appear and dont stop swimming until you hit Burned
Woods."

DE begins to cast a spell and I zone in to get my ale....remembering
that the Ignore list cures most headaches that ale cant and feeling
somewhat better about going back to Sebilis.

Oops!

Hehe... I didn't do this but its pretty cool just the same :p



If you can't tell what happened... this guy got a finishing blow on one mob while the other was /shielding it, so the shielding mob got hit for like 16k or something and the other one took a few thousand and they both died in the same swing :p

The Top 100 Things I'd Do
If I Ever Became An Evil Overlord

My Legions of Terror will have helmets with clear plexiglass visors, not face-concealing ones.

My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through.

My noble half-brother whose throne I usurped will be killed, not kept anonymously imprisoned in a forgotten cell of my dungeon.

Shooting is not too good for my enemies.

The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragons of Eternity. It will be in my safe-deposit box. The same applies to the object which is my one weakness.

I will not gloat over my enemies' predicament before killing them.

When I've captured my adversary and he says, "Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?" I'll say, "No." and shoot him. No, on second thought I'll shoot him then say "No."

After I kidnap the beautiful princess, we will be married immediately in a quiet civil ceremony, not a lavish spectacle in three weeks' time during which the final phase of my plan will be carried out.

I will not include a self-destruct mechanism unless absolutely necessary. If it is necessary, it will not be a large red button labelled "Danger: Do Not Push". The big red button marked "Do Not Push" will instead trigger a spray of bullets on anyone stupid enough to disregard it. Similarly, the ON/OFF switch will not clearly be labelled as such.

I will not interrogate my enemies in the inner sanctum -- a small hotel well outside my borders will work just as well.

I will be secure in my superiority. Therefore, I will feel no need to prove it by leaving clues in the form of riddles or leaving my weaker enemies alive to show they pose no threat.

One of my advisors will be an average five-year-old child. Any flaws in my plan that he is able to spot will be corrected before implementation.

All slain enemies will be cremated, or at least have several rounds of ammunition emptied into them, not left for dead at the bottom of the cliff. The announcement of their deaths, as well as any accompanying celebration, will be deferred until after the aforementioned disposal.

The hero is not entitled to a last kiss, a last cigarette, or any other form of last request.

I will never employ any device with a digital countdown. If I find that such a device is absolutely unavoidable, I will set it to activate when the counter reaches 117 and the hero is just putting his plan into operation.

I will never utter the sentence "But before I kill you, there's just one thing I want to know."

When I employ people as advisors, I will occasionally listen to their advice.

I will not have a son. Although his laughably under-planned attempt to usurp power would easily fail, it would provide a fatal distraction at a crucial point in time.

I will not have a daughter. She would be as beautiful as she was evil, but one look at the hero's rugged countenance and she'd betray her own father.

Despite its proven stress-relieving effect, I will not indulge in maniacal laughter. When so occupied, it's too easy to miss unexpected developments that a more attentive individual could adjust to accordingly.

I will hire a talented fashion designer to create original uniforms for my Legions of Terror, as opposed to some cheap knock-offs that make them look like Nazi stormtroopers, Roman footsoldiers, or savage Mongol hordes. All were eventually defeated and I want my troops to have a more positive mind-set.

No matter how tempted I am with the prospect of unlimited power, I will not consume any energy field bigger than my head.

I will keep a special cache of low-tech weapons and train my troops in their use. That way -- even if the heroes manage to neutralize my power generator and/or render the standard-issue energy weapons useless -- my troops will not be overrun by a handful of savages armed with spears and rocks.

I will maintain a realistic assessment of my strengths and weaknesses. Even though this takes some of the fun out of the job, at least I will never utter the line "No, this cannot be! I AM INVINCIBLE!!!" (After that, death is usually instantaneous.)

No matter how well it would perform, I will never construct any sort of machinery which is completely indestructible except for one small and virtually inaccessible vulnerable spot.

No matter how attractive certain members of the rebellion are, there is probably someone just as attractive who is not desperate to kill me. Therefore, I will think twice before ordering a prisoner sent to my bedchamber.

I will never build only one of anything important. All important systems will have redundant control panels and power supplies. For the same reason I will always carry at least two fully loaded weapons at all times.

My pet monster will be kept in a secure cage from which it cannot escape and into which I could not accidentally stumble.

I will dress in bright and cheery colors, and so throw my enemies into confusion.

All bumbling conjurers, clumsy squires, no-talent bards, and cowardly thieves in the land will be preemptively put to death. My foes will surely give up and abandon their quest if they have no source of comic relief.

All naive, busty tavern wenches in my realm will be replaced with surly, world-weary waitresses who will provide no unexpected reinforcement and/or romantic subplot for the hero or his sidekick.

I will not fly into a rage and kill a messenger who brings me bad news just to illustrate how evil I really am. Good messengers are hard to come by.

I won't require high-ranking female members of my organization to wear a stainless-steel bustier. Morale is better with a more casual dress-code. Similarly, outfits made entirely from black leather will be reserved for formal occasions.

I will not turn into a snake. It never helps.

I will not grow a goatee. In the old days they made you look diabolic. Now they just make you look like a disaffected member of Generation X.

I will not imprison members of the same party in the same cell block, let alone the same cell. If they are important prisoners, I will keep the only key to the cell door on my person instead of handing out copies to every bottom-rung guard in the prison.

If my trusted lieutenant tells me my Legions of Terror are losing a battle, I will believe him. After all, he's my trusted lieutenant.

If an enemy I have just killed has a younger sibling or offspring anywhere, I will find them and have them killed immediately, instead of waiting for them to grow up harboring feelings of vengeance towards me in my old age.

If I absolutely must ride into battle, I will certainly not ride at the forefront of my Legions of Terror, nor will I seek out my opposite number among his army.

I will be neither chivalrous nor sporting. If I have an unstoppable superweapon, I will use it as early and as often as possible instead of keeping it in reserve.

Once my power is secure, I will destroy all those pesky time-travel devices.

When I capture the hero, I will make sure I also get his dog, monkey, ferret, or whatever sickeningly cute little animal capable of untying ropes and filching keys happens to follow him around.

I will maintain a healthy amount of skepticism when I capture the beautiful rebel and she claims she is attracted to my power and good looks and will gladly betray her companions if I just let her in on my plans.

I will only employ bounty hunters who work for money. Those who work for the pleasure of the hunt tend to do dumb things like even the odds to give the other guy a sporting chance.

I will make sure I have a clear understanding of who is responsible for what in my organization. For example, if my general screws up I will not draw my weapon, point it at him, say "And here is the price for failure," then suddenly turn and kill some random underling.

Amazon has the Planes of Powerupgrade for $5.99 (after the $20.00 mail in rebate). You can go here  for all the details.

a thing

Ranger tank!

that's where I've been since last wednesday, went cross country to visit with all the relations...  I'm back now tho.  Sorry I meant to post this BEFORE I left but erm well I didn't have the time.  Oops.

THAT WAS SO COOL!!!!!!!!!
:D :D :cool: :cool: :D :D

http://www.worth1000.com/cache/contestcache.asp?contest_id=148

Bwahahahahhaha these are great

needed a place to stick this for a link

This isn't funny exactly, but it is pretty doggone amazing.

Ninja guy