Getting into Heaven

[Leiyah]

An old lady dies and goes to heaven. She's chatting it up with St. Peter at the Pearly Gates when all of a sudden she hears the most awful, blood curdling screams.

"Don't worry about that," says St. Peter, "it's only someone having their holes put into her shoulder blades for the wings."

The old lady looks a little uncomfortable but carries on with the conversation. A few minutes later there are more blood curdling screams. "Oh my, now what's happening?"

"Not to worry," says St. Peter, "she's just having her head drilled to fit the halo."

"I can't do this, I'm going to hell instead." the lady replied.

"OH! You can't go there, you'll be raped and sodomized!" warned St. Peter.

"Maybe so," says the old lady, "but I've already got the holes for that."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

There were a few couples standing in line at the Pearly Gates with St. Peter waiting for their turn to walk through.

First couple walks up and St. Peter asks them to wait while he checks The Book. He comes back saying, "why, all you did your entire life was think of money sir, you even married a lady named Penny. I'm sorry..but..."  

The couple turns away disappointed.

The next couple walks up and St. Peter asks them to wait while he checks The Book. After finding their information he comes back saying, "why, all you did your entire life was drink, you even married a lady named Sherry. I'm sorry..but..."  

The couple turns away disappointed.

As they were finishing up the next guy in line turns to his wife
saying, "come on Fanny, this is no place for us."