Medicating your pets

[Aelderie]

HOW TO GIVE A CAT A PILL
 
1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if you were holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow to close mouth and swallow.
 
2. Retreive pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
 
3. Retreive cat from bedroom and throw away soggy pill.
 
4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right index finger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
 
5. Retreive pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from yard.
 
6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
 
7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy a new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink one beer to take taste away. Apply bandaid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard and close door on neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with rubber band.

11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink another beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12. Call fire department to retrieve friggen' cat from tree across road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.

13. Tie the little asstards front paws to rear paws with twine and bind tightly to leg of dining room table. Find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

14. Consume remainder of Scotch. Get spouse to drive you to emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

15. Arrange for Humane Society to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

HOW TO GIVE A DOG A PILL

1. Wrap it in bacon

[Yampus]

That would be funny as long as the beer and Scotch were not harmed/spilled in the process :mad:

[Karlah]

ROFLMAO

I hurt my tummy laughing at that one :D

[Rhatloz]

That is So true.Ive even tried crushing up the pill and putting it in some tuna (a whole can of tuna).The damn cat wouldnt touch it!Opened up a fresh can  without a crushed pill to see if maybe it didnt like tuna .Needless to say the tuna was gone in less than 5 seconds.Called the vet and got some liquid meds and that way you can at  least squirt some of it down the cats throat. Oh yeah the liquid cost three times as much as the pill form!

[Fizzgig]

don't crush the pill put it in liverwurst.  a bite size peice.  it's a soft meat and smells very strongly so the cats don't notice the pill.  This does actually work especially if you don't put out their food at the regular time and they are desperatly thinking they wont get fed.

[Leiyah]

It's a bit unhealthy but most hilarious and effective for me at least -- when I have to give my precious pussy some medicine I just hide it in a bit of PB and she licks it off my finger - including the pill.  Works wonders for me and I get to sit and watch her lick for like 15 minutes afterwards...  :p

[Aelderie]

um......

nm


*walks off trying to pull mind out of gutter*

[Yampus]

I am SOOOOOOOOO not going to touch that one! :eek:

[Fizzgig]

lol leiy we're dragging them down with us....and they aren't even halflings

[Rhatloz]

I agree with Yampus ,but very tempting though!

[Maruxil Nottingwood]

Even 10+ years in the submarine navy and I won't even touch that one Lei :eek:

[Leiyah]

Comeon you chicken!!!!!  DO IT!  I dare ya!

HAHA will someone PLEASE dig up our "post your pussy" thread -- I know its around here somewhere....

[Lourdos]

Soooo glad I have never had to medicate my pussy :D

/wave to everyone!!!

[Reyburn]

Ok Lourdos,

Even after 8 years in the Navy, 3+ years of college and 3+ years of exposure to KOF.

I AM NOT GOING TO TOUCH THAT ONE! :p

[Lourdos]

Mwahahahaha !!!!!!

/sigh I sure do miss you guys :D