pussy post

[Airelyn]

OMFG, this whole post makes me laugh too much!

Tony says, "Honey you and your friends are really twisted."

Oh and Fizz... Well I tried these Ladyfingers you spoke of and found out if I use a nice combination of Banana's and Ladyfingers it really makes my monkey very happy.  Thanks for the tip! :D

[Soulstar]

Dude!  The Metaphors!!! Gryah!

[Fizzgig]

pfft and I'm holding back due to the generalness of this discussion

[bayal2]

I would like to start with saying I am not a cruel person If you don't know my wife was Very very pregnant and with being this pregnant mood swings and tear's become part of your life my wife loves cats I on the other hand dislike cats
Anyway here it is my wife's cat annoys me it tears thing (eg Eq maps of zones that I have no idea of where I am going) also as I trying to play Eq it decides that it wants to play on my desk and use my cd and tower and monitor as scratching poles so you can see my love for this black DEVIL wears thin at times
Due to my pregnancy my wife was admitted to hospital wife high blood pressure nothing too serious at least I hope anyway after a day of staying at the hospital I decided to go home and relax by playing a Bit of Eq as I approached my computer room I notice one black cat leaving thinking to myself ok what map's have been destroyed .To my surprise nothing was touched as I proceeded to sit a warn gooey feeling under my foot become more apparent yes you guess it left me a little package.
Well about this stage I saw red ( very very  angry for Americans) I decided to give chase to this foul creature to paint a mental picture of this imagine a 18 wheeler truck chasing  down  a motorized scooter .To my dismay the cat took  refuge under the rear of my fridge  but this wasn't going to stop either,                             I proceeded to move the fridge the cat decided to go deeper under the fridge and all  a sudden the lights of the house dimmed  and smoke was coming out of the back of the fridge  yep you guessed it paw paw puddy tat last life ran out .
I couldn't believe the events that just happen so I had to think quickly what I should do tell the wife the truth about the cat or try and fix as nothing had happen. I went with second option only because I did silly thing of a couple year's ago of teaching my wife self defense and she I damm good at it too .So I removed the corpse and placed in or large bin which is in the front yard. So then it was on to find a cat about the same height and temperament and colors back short haired cat with a mean disposition shouldn't be too hard. "Yer" right I drove to every pet store in town and to answer your question there is 9 of them but no cat.
So I decided to hit the classifieds by this time I am thinking of taking up religion and praying bingo got one back cat from a couple who where moving inter- state and a bonus it has been desexed .
I race out to the place get cat no2 bring the cat home. I think thank god that is over mean time mother in-law bring wife home her blood pressure has come down .Wife goes to pat the cat, cat takes off she looks at me as to say what have you done to the cat .I quickly come up with response bloody cat not worth the food we put into it she proceeds or give a funny look. I change the subject quickly ask about blood pressure  baby status etc she thinks nothing more of it .
This is when I pat myself on the back for adverting a near disaster .I don't sleep well that night ,next morning  I am up when the sunrises to put the bin out for collection ,I take a bag of rubbish out  to bin open the lid and the cat no 1 is gone suddenly I think crap she has found out some how I race inside and my wife is talking to her mother ,I interrupt the conversation to say hi honey my wife looks at weird and then  proceeds to talk to her mother .  I look around the house for a corpse nothing at all I say to myself  don't panic thinking to myself as I walk there has to be a explanation to this but I drew a blank . I get caught up with work I have to do for the day and forget about it. Now little did I know Mrs. Gilby from across the road who is a nosey Old person saw me disposing of the corpse  the other thing that I didn't know was the cat wasn't dead it was stunned after about 10 minutes or so of me putting this cat in the bin it comes back to the living  and begins meowing  loudly.
 Mrs. Gilby  comes across the road picks the cat up and takes it back to her place .It doesn't stop there the following afternoon the doorbell ring's I open the door and standing there is a RSPCA officer  (animal welfare person) I have joke with him saying mate I love to make a donation but the wallet is in the other pants .Yep that went down like a lead balloon in a elevator shaft .He proceeds to tell me there has been a complaint of animal cruelty against me by now I am thinking  bloody cats more trouble than there worth .  I say officer yes really what have I done sir he reply's about the dumping of a alive cat in the bin by this time the wife is yelling out to me help her with the washing.  
So I try to quickly explain to the officer about the incident the officer I and I come to agreement  it a misunderstanding  just as he about to leave he asked to see the corpse I reply funny you should ask that it has disappeared  the officer looks at me funny ok  he returns to his vehicle . And uses his mobile phone by this time the is about screaming to give her a hand with the washing so I race out he back and help her .in the mean time the officer finds out who made the complaint and goes over to Mrs. Gilby place knocks on the door and she tells him about the horrible deed she saw me do and shows him the very much alive cat .I finish hanging out the washing . knock knock at the front door again I sprint out the front to get it BUGGER ME it's officer with the cat tucked under his arm with Mrs. Gilby  right behind him saying yep yep that's him he's the one who dumped it .by this time I am thinking why aren't you I a old person home you old bag  the officer  was quite good about and tell's well sir I don't think it died  and laugh's just as he says this yep you guest it the wife comes out the front to see what all noise was about woops sprung wife see cat in officer's arm's  and asks what is going on the officer explain what happened  my wife ask's ok who is that in the back yard I was just playing with I reply with ohh that was a replacement model trying to lighten the mood nup doesn't happen  all the guy's in the guild will understand what I am about to say when I got that look from my wife you know the one where it could burn through your very soul  .So right about then I am thinking jail would be a nice place to be right now at least I would get more sex . Anyway we have two black cats now I just thought I would just share my little saga with you all . And yes they both like Eq map's.
So the next time I am on take pity on me when I say I don't have a map for that zone, more likely or not I  had one but it was destroyed.

Ps I wrote this a while ago but never posted it.

:rolleyes:

[Tholan]

OMG THat is HILARIOUS ( well the outcome) that would have made a HELLA funny tv show. IF it wouldnt have been for the booty kickin the wife almost gave ya! ROFL

THANKS for sharing that it had me in tears!

Be nice to the wifes pussy . They get rather protective of the little buggers, and tend to watch you closely when ever you get around it, after you have tried to electrocute them.  I had a story, but mine FAILS in comparison to that one.

:rolleyes:

[Lohagen Elamadri]

How much is that pussy in the window?

[Karlah]

A new dimension to the Pussy montage

edit... doh, the file wont attach, and it was so funny :(

[Fizzgig]

lol karlah I said NO PORN

[Fizelle]

apparently Karlah's pussy was a bit to much for Ching to handle so I am hosting it for her. Here's a link
Big Pussy

[Fizzgig]

lol I watched that no less than 5 times it's so funny I nearly woke up my sons

[Radx]

OMG me and my friend about pissed our selves thats HILARIOUS omg where did you find that lol.

[Nizelar]

Uno is allergic to pussy??????

:(  Poor guy  i cant imagine having that problem.

[Leiyah]

omfg Fiz / Karlah - that was SOOO hilarious!  I'm sitting here in voice chat with some EQ people behind game and suddenly I'm laughing so hard I'm crying...literally crying....and I can't even stop to tell them why....hahaha!  I SO needed that!  I gotta watch it again.  omg this is awesome....

Thanks!

Love you guys

[Carellron]

Okay, can't believe no one posted this....:D

Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable because no matter how legitimate my illness, I always sense my boss thinks I am lying. On one occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway because the truth was too humiliating to reveal.

I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day. By then, I could think up a doozy to explain the bandage on my crown.

In this case, the truth hurt. I mean it really hurt in the place men feel the most pain. The accident occurred mainly because I conceded to my wife's wishes to adopt a cute little kitty.

As the daily routine prescribes, I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen. "Ed!" she hearkened,"The garbage disposal is dead. Come reset it."

"You know where the button is." I protested through the shower (pitter-patter). "Reset it yourself!"

"I'm scared!" She pleaded. "What if it starts going and sucks me in?" . . . .Pause. . . . . "C'mon, it'll only take a second."

No logical assurance about how a disposal can't start itself will calm the fears of a person who suffers from "Big-ol-scary-machinephobia," a condition brought on by watching too many Stephen King movies.

It is futile to argue or explain, kind of like telling Lloyd Bentsen Americans are over-taxed. And if a poltergeist did, in fact, possess the disposal, and she was ground into round, I'd have to live with that the rest of my life.

So out I came, dripping wet and buck naked, hoping to make a statement about how her cowardly behavior was not without consequence but it was I who would suffer.

I crouched down and stuck my head under the sink to find the button. It is the last action I remember performing. It struck without warning, without respect to my circumstances. Nay, it wasn't a hexed disposal, drawing me into its gnashing metal teeth. it was our new kitty, clawing playfully at the dangling objects she spied between my legs.

She ("Buttons" aka "the Grater") had been poised around the corner and stalked me as I took the bait under the sink. At precisely the second I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I unwittingly offered and snagged them with her needle-like claws.

Now when men feel pain or even sense danger anywhere close to their masculine region, they lose all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements. Instinctively, their nerves compel the body to contort inwardly, while rising upwardly at a violent rate of speed.

Not even a well trained monk could calmly stand with his groin supporting the full weight of a kitten and rectify the situation in a step-by-step procedure. Wild animals are sometimes faced with a "fight or flight" syndrome; men, in this predicament, choose only the "flight" option.

Fleeing straight up, I knew at that moment how a cat feels when it is alarmed. It was a dismal irony. But, whereas cats seek great heights to escape, I never made it that far. The sink and cabinet bluntly impeded my ascent; the impact knocked me out cold.

When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me. Having been fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics snorted as they tried to conduct their work while suppressing their hysterical laughter. My wife told me I should be flattered.

At the office, colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me. I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk. "What's the matter, cat got your tongue?"

If they had only known.

[Zorvic]

ROFLMAO!

That is one of the funniest stories I have ever heard...and painful.