For all the men out there, please read

[Laiynla]

Women and the point system


For thousands of years, men have tried to understand the rules when dealing with women. Finally, this merit/demerit guide will help you to understand just how it works. Remember, in the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played.

Here is a guide to the points system:

SIMPLE DUTIES:

1. You make the bed.....+1

2. You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows.....0

3. You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets.....-1

4. You leave the toilet seat up.....-5

5. You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty.....0

6. When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to
Kleenex.....-1

7. When the Kleenex runs out you use the next bathroom.... -2

8. You go out to buy her extra-light panty liners with wings.....+5

9. In the snow .....+8

10. But return with beer.....-5

11. And no liners.....-25

12. You check out a suspicious noise at night.....0

13. You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing.....0

14. You check out a suspicious noise and it is something.....+5

15. You pummel it with a six iron.....+10

16. It's her cat.....-40

AT THE PARTY:

1. You stay by her side the entire party.....0

2. You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a
College drinking buddy.....-2

3. Named Tiffany.....-4

4. Tiffany is a dancer.....-10

5. With breast implants.....-18

HER BIRTHDAY:

1. You remember her birthday.....0 You buy a card and flowers.....0

2. You take her out to dinner.....0

3. You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar.....+1

4. Okay, it is a sports bar.....-2

5. And it's all-you-can-eat night.....-3

6. It's a sports bar, its all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team ...-10

A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS:

1. Go with a pal.....0

2. The pal is happily married.....+1

3. The pal is single.....-7

4. He drives a Ferrari.....-10

5. With a personalized license plate (GR8NBED).....-15

A NIGHT OUT WITH HER:

1. You take her to a movie.....+2

2. You take her to a movie she likes.....+4

3. You take her to a movie you hate.....+6

4. You take her to a movie you like.....-2

5. It's called Death Cop III.....-3

6. Which features Cyborgs that eat humans.....-9

7. You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans.....-15

YOUR PHYSIQUE:

1. You develop a noticeable pot belly.....-15

2. You develop a noticeable pot belly & exercise to get rid of it...+10

3. You develop a noticeable pot belly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts.....-30

4. You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too.".....-800

THE BIG QUESTION: She asks, "Does this dress make me look fat?"

1. You hesitate in responding.....-10

2. You reply, "Where?".....-35

3. You reply, "No, I think it's your ass".....-100

4. Any other response.....-20

COMMUNICATION: When she wants to talk about a problem:

1. You listen, displaying a concerned expression.....0

2. You listen, for over 30 minutes.....+5

3. You relate to her problem and share a similar experience.....+50

4. You're mind wanders to sports and you suddenly hear her saying "Well, what do you think I should do?".....-100

5. You have fallen asleep.....-200

ITS THAT TIME OF THE MONTH:

1. You talk.....-100

2. You don't talk.....-150

3. You spend time with her......-200

4. You don't spend time with her.....-500

5. You seem to be enjoying yourself..-1000

GAME OVER - YOU LOSE


__________________

[Zorvic]

Lol.

So, that is how the system works.  ;)

[Reyburn]

1) DIAMONDS ???
2) Pays off your credit card and doesn't complain ???
3) Makes a dinner that you enjoy and does the dishes ???
4) On hte "Big Questoin" is there any plus points for an imediate No? or Is it supposed to?

[Carellron]

Just to be fair

     Why Men Lie
     

          One day,  while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a river, his  axe fell into the river.   When he cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, "Why are you crying?"  The woodcutter replied that his axe had fallen into water, and he needed the axe to make his living.
     
          The Lord went down into the water and reappeared with a golden  axe.  "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.
     
          The woodcutter replied, "No."
     
          The Lord again went  down and came up with a silver axe.   "Is this your axe?" the Lord  asked.
     
          Again, the woodcutter replied, "No."
     
          The Lord went down again and came up with an iron axe.   "Is this  your axe?" the Lord asked.
     
          The woodcutter  replied, "Yes."
     
          The Lord was pleased with the man's  honesty and gave him all three axes to keep, and the woodcutter went home happy.
     
          Some time later the woodcutter was walking with his wife along the riverbank, and his wife fell into the river.   When he cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked him, "Why are  you crying?"
     
          "Oh Lord, my wife has fallen into the  water!"
     
          The Lord went down into the water and came up with Jennifer Lopez.   "Is this your wife?" the Lord asked.
     
          "Yes," cried the woodcutter.
     
          The Lord  was furious.   "You lied! That is an untruth!"
     
          The  woodcutter replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord.   It is a misunderstanding.  You see, if I had said 'no' to Jennifer Lopez, You would have come up with Catherine Zeta-Jones.  Then if I also said 'no' to her, You would have come up with my wife.   Had I then said 'yes,'  you would have given all three to me.   Lord, I am a poor man, and am  not able to take care of all three wives, so THAT'S why I said yes  to Jennifer Lopez."
     
          The moral of this story  is: Whenever a man lies, it is for a good and honorable reason, and  for the benefit of others.
     

            (That's our story, and we're sticking to it!)

[ryverwind]

1. You make the bed.....0

2. You didnt make the bed.....0

3. You make the bed while naked.....+10

4. You make the bed naked only to quickly be involved in messing it up.....+100

5. You complain about  the toilet seat being up.....0

6. You complain about  the toilet seat being up while naked.....+10

7. You didnt notice the toliet seat was up because your still helping us mess up the bed.....+1000

8. You expect us to know what extra-light panty liners with wings are.....-100

9. You expect us to go anywhere in the snow .....-100

10. you get us a beer.....+10

11. you never mention the liners again.....+1000

12. You ask us to check out a suspicious noise at night.....0

13. You realize that noise was a fart.....+100

14. You figure as long as were both up its time to make some...errr suspicious noises.....+500

15. You compare us to a six iron.....+100

16. The only furry creature you have isnt a cat and were allowed to pet it.....+100

AT THE PARTY:

1. You stay by his side the entire party.....-100

2. You take him to chat with a College roomate.....-10

3. Named Tiffany.....+30

4. Tiffany is a dancer.....+40

5. With breast implants.....+100

HER BIRTHDAY:

1. You remember his birthday.....0

2. You take him out to dinner.....-10

3. You take him out to dinner and it's not a sports bar.....-100

4. Okay, it is a sports bar.....+200

5. And it's all-you-can-eat night.....+300

6. It's a sports bar, its all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of his favorite team ...+500

A NIGHT OUT WITH THE GIRLS:

1. Go with a friend.....0

2. The friend is happily married.....-10

3. The friend is single.....+7

4. She drives a Ferrari.....+10

5. With a personalized license plate (GR8NBED).....+100

A NIGHT OUT WITH HER:

1. You go to a movie.....+2

2. You go to a movie he likes.....+4

3. You go to a movie you hate.....+6

4. You go to a movie you like.....-100

5. This title has the word flower, marriage, friend, love or was made before 1970.....-100

6. Which features singing.....-100

7. You lied and said something blewup.....-300

YOUR PHYSIQUE:

1. You develop a noticeable pot belly.....-25

2. You develop a noticeable pot belly & exercise to get rid of it...+1000

3. You develop a noticeable pot belly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts.....-200

4. You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too.".....0 - point taken

THE BIG QUESTION: You ask, "You ask do I look fat?"

1. You expected a response.....-10

2. You forgot to wait for a commercial.....-35

3. You accept a 'shrug' as a valid answer.....-100

4. You asked while naked.....+100

COMMUNICATION: When you want to talk about a problem:

1. You begin talking without seeking a resolution.....-100

2. You talk for more than 30 minutes.....-100

3. OMG are you still talking........-100

4. You continued talking while undressing, and dancing around the room.....+200

5. You fallen asleep feeling well taken careof.....+200

ITS THAT TIME OF THE MONTH:

1. You talk.....-100

2. You don't talk.....+500

3. You spend time with him......-200

4. You don't spend time with him.....+500

5. we didnt even know it was that time......+1000

[Laiynla]

Ryver,  i have to give you props for bravery.  Its a good thing we have a nice jacuzzi outside,  because i am  now changing all the locks.  No couch for JOOOOO!!   Have fun sleeping on the spa cover  ;)

[Superfly]

1. You don't talk during football games... 500 points

[Laiynla]

Thats not a good one,  what if they are discussing the game itself in a cohesive and informed manner?  Isnt that worth some points?

[Leiyah]

LOL I don't talk during football games....I scream at the ref's....MUCH more productive!

[Soulstar]

x

[Radx]

no comment

[Superfly]

Editor's note:

Not talking about something unrelated to football during football games...500 points

[Spellwalker]

Laiynla,

All in all, a nice list of items that I have found many to be true when dealing with women I have known.  And although, there is much frustration in dealing with the logic that I find myself confronted with, I would not trade them for anything.

A few tid bits I would like to add to your already excellent list of items:

1) In regards to movies, shows and activities of interest when you ask her to pick the movie, show, or other place to chill and relax, realize:
a) Sometimes I have found that they will pick a place or movie that I love just to see if I will go there or come back with an alternative more in line with their interest.  Example, I have a friend that when I ask her what movie she would like to see, she comes up with a list of movies that she thinks I want to see that she will tolerate.  We, men, need to try and do the same for them.
b) Sometimes simply asking for their input is a 100 point demerit, as sometimes, they don't want to think about something you are putting together.  Be willing to brainstorm and make some plans.  I have found that if you can come up with a couple of options all of which they like is a big winner.

2) If they say something like "whatever you get me for my birthday (christmas, valentines), I don't want any (flowers, candy, stuffed animals, etc.)" really means "I want this AND something else".

3) Never agree with a woman when they are bashing women and women logic.  Trust me, that is not what they want. Deduction -10,000.

4) When you find yourself a passenger in a car being driven by a women who is driving wildly with many people honking their horn at her and she comments, "why is every one driving so crazy?", I have found silence is the only wise response.  If someone has more insight on this one, I would like to hear it.

Later all.

[Soulstar]

how come axe can edit me without even leaving a footprint and he doesn't even have a character anymore... drat.

[Fizzgig]

because he's godly